On loss of a long term partner
The nurse had changed her and given her a partial bath, put some dry clothes on her, had washed her face and was combing her hair when she noticed that she had stopped breathing and her heart had stopped. Of course, I wished I had been with her, but if I had to do it again… We had never held hands out in public. But before they put her in the ambulance I kissed her on the forehead and whispered that I loved her. It was the first ever show of affection, in front of an ambulance driver. I call that one of God's whispers.
We had a good life. Like anyone who makes a life together — two women, two men, a man and a woman — it doesn't matter. There are good times and hard times. We had all that. Nothing is ever perfect. The good, for me, so far outweighs the rough stuff. We cared about one another. It was a warm, gentle 33 years for me.
Both of my two long-term relationships died of metastasis breast cancer. Someone said to me, "Don't you feel guilty about them?" and I said, "Why should I feel guilty? They didn't do it to spite me or anything."
I had a terrible time with my friends because when you've got friends that don't understand…
I was so angry that I was 54, a widow and my life was over. Who the hell wants anything to do with a 54 year old woman? That's what society tells us to feel. Well, it doesn't have to be that way.
That night, when I got home from the hospital, I got a phone call from the social worker at the hospital, who wanted to know if I was okay. That has stayed with me because it was such a non-homophobic thing to do.… That's something that stays with me — the fact that that lovely social worker-type person obviously understood the relationship and rather than being negative about it the way I've heard these horror stories about, people who couldn't get in to visit their dying partners, this woman called me at home to make sure I was okay.
I had some friends that I had known at work that I had lunch with, but she would get frantic if I wasn't home by dark. Then she died. You can imagine that after living with someone for 41 years, it is quite difficult.